Eyebrows
by Bz Triforce
Summary: Alfred gets a potion from a mysterious man and thinks it would be a good idea to prank Arthur. Turns out, he was wrong...
1. Chapter 1

Alfred walked down the streets of the city toward his apartment for the night. He was returning from a wild time at the bar that had ended with Francis and Iggy Butt having sloppy drunken make-outs on the floor. Alfred had decided to leave before things got too… messy.

As he kept walking, he heard a voice calling him over from a dark alleyway. Thinking to himself "Why the fuck not" he walked over to the dark alleyway where he was confronted by a strange old looking man in a dark hooded cloak.

"You seem to be quite the prankster," the shady man said, holding out a vile of pinkish fluid. "Slip this into someone's drink and you'll be in for the prank of your life." Handing Alfred the vile, the old man then slipped away into the darkness on a skateboard.

"LOL cool I'm going to totes prank Iggy Butt next time I see him," he says to himself, pocketing the vile. He continued along the road until he reached his apartment. Deciding he wanted something to drink, he walked into the kitchen, only to stop right at the entrance. Because right there, in the middle of the darkened kitchen with only a dim light coming from a lit candle on a table, was Iggy Butt himself, standing straight and stiff with a horribly creepy smile on his face staring right at Alfred.

"Iggy Butt! What are you doing here? Weren't you just having sloppy drunken make-outs with Francis back at the bar?" Alfred asked sacredly.

"Hello bloody git bloke wanker git git I have to go take a piss in your garden of dreams I made us some tea while you wait just DON'T DRINK ANY UNTIL I RETURN FROM PISSING ON ALL YOUR HOPES AND DREAMS hehe~!" Iggy Butt said as he flew out of the room and out the window.

"OMG he's such an asshole he left his cup fully exposed I think I'll use the stuff that radical old man gave me." Alfred took the vile out of his purse and poured the contents into Iggy Butt's cup of tea. "Aw yeah it's coffee flavored my fav."

Iggy Butt then returned from his piss break by crashing through the ceiling. He took his place across from Alfred at the candle lit table and stared at him intensely. "Isn't this ROMANTIC~ I wish Antonio and Tino were here then we could have a foursome hey WHY AREN'T YOU DRINK YOUR TEA OMG." And then Iggy Butt proceeded to down his entire cup of tea.

"OMG I wonder what kind of prank is going to happen maybe his butt will turn into a whoopee cushion OMG THAT WOULD BE SO COOL," Alfred thought to himself as he watched Iggy Butt drink all of the tea. A couple of moments passed and Alfred thought to himself, "OMG where is the whoopee butt this is taking to long that goddamn hippy gave me a dud ugh this only proves you can never trust hippies or commies."

And then suddenly Iggy Butt's eyebrows began to sparkle and glow.

Alfred had a really bad feeling about this.

Iggy Butt's eyebrows had begun to grow and come together by now, taking up the entirety of his face. He laughed manically as his eyebrows traveled across the rest of his body, the eyebrows shredding his clothing as they advanced. Soon enough, Iggy Butt had become an eyebrow. "I AM NO LONGER IGGY BUTT," the giant eyebrow said to Alfred. "I AM NOW IGGY BUTT EYEBROW MCDESU XII AND I AM GOING TO FATHER YOUR CHILDREN."

Iggy Butt Eyebrow McDesu XII wrapped around Alfred and flung them both into the oven. "IT'S GETTING PRETTY HOT IN HERE, DON'T YOU THINK, WANKER?" Iggy Butt Eyebrow McDesu XII then proceeded to fuck Alfred's brains out and bake a cake with it. Alfred and Iggy Butt Eyebrow McDesu XII then proceeded to eat the cake together and talk about world economics and lesbians. Alfred then proceeded to give birth to two beautiful baby eyebrows.

"They have your eyes," Alfred said lovingly to Iggy Butt Eyebrow McDesu XII.

"AND THEY HAVE YOUR NANTUCKET~," Iggy Butt Eyebrow McDesu XII replied before he proceeded to eat their children.

"OMG WATER YOU DOING THOSE ARE MY BABIES," Alfred screamed throwing all of the eyebrows out of the window. The baby eyebrows were lucky enough to have to ability to fly unlike their father who fell to the ground. Alfred ran out to where Iggy Butt Eyebrow McDesu XII had fallen only to find Iggy Butt there instead.

"OMG YOU BLOODY BLOKE GIT WANKER GIT WANKER FUCKASS WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU PUT IN MY TEA IT TASTED LIKE COFFEE I HATE YOU," Iggy Butt screamed at Alfred and began to sob grossly.

"No man no I'm sorry it's okay let's go back to my place and fuck okay?" Alfred said, snuggling up to Iggy Butt and flying back through the window and into his bedroom. They then proceeded to fuck each other's brains out and bake them into cakes until Antonio and Tino came over. Iggy Butt proceeded to spontaneously combust and Alfred, Antonio, and Tino proceeded to watch Nyan~ Neko Sugar Girls.

The End.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been three minutes since the incident and Alfred still hasn't left his apartment yet. Antonio was helping Tino polish the kitchen oven while Alfred stood on the candle lit table staring out through the broken window.

"I NEED TO GO SAVE MY BASTARD LOVE CHILDREN," Alfred stated in all caps before he back flipped through the ceiling and left another hole in it. Antonio and Tino then proceeded to draw dicks all over Alfred's apartment in silver sharpie.

Tired, hungry, and cold- okay maybe not cold but you get the idea- the bastard eyebrow love children huddled together in a dark alleyway. The shadow of a radical old man hovered above them. "Team America, fuck yeah~," he softly whispered as he stuffed the eyebrows into a brown paper bag. "Coming to save the motherfucking day yeah~."

Iggy Butt, after spontaneously combusting, suddenly appeared in the bath tub belonging to Francis. "Wow what the bloody fucking shit god damned hell with a side of motherfuck am I doing here WHATEVER," Iggy Butt said to himself as he rolled out of the tub and into Francis' bedroom. He rolled into the bed next to a sleeping Francis and peed all over the bed and then whispered in his ear, "I WILL FUCK YOU SO HARD THAT GILBERT'S CHILDREN WILL FEEL IT."

But then it turned out that Francis was actually Lovino. Lovino saw this as his chance to shine, so he brought Iggy Butt over into the kitchen and he threw himself and Iggy Butt into the oven.

"OMG YOU BLOODY WANKER GIT BLOKE GIT GIT WANKER MOFO BAKA WATER YOU DOING EXCUSE YOU I ALREADY FUCKED SOMEONE IN AN OVEN TODAY BE MORE CREATIVE," Iggy Butt yelled at Lovino.

"But I haven't shown you THE BEST PART YET BASTARD," Lovino said as he pressed a button on the ceiling of the stove which then made the stove turn into a giant tomato. "quICK BEFORE ANTONIO GETS BACK," Lovino says as he frantically searches for the TV remote. He finds in deep within the depths of Iggy Butt's left eyebrow and then switches the TV to My Little Pony. "NO ONE MUST KNOW OF THIS HE WHISPERED INTO IGGY BUTT'S EAR," Lovino whispered into Iggy Butt's ear. And then they fucked.

Alfred was riding his unicycle on the rooftops of the city trying to find his bastard eyebrow love children. He sent Iggy Butt a message on Facebook.

**teamAmerica [TA] began pestering bloodyWanker [BW]**

**TA: IGGY BUTT WE HAVE TO GO FIND OUR CHILDREN**

**TA: PLZ THEY ARE OUT THERE**

**TA: TIRED COLD AND HUNGRY**

**TA: WELL MAYBE NOT COLD**

**TA: BUTTT**

**TA: PLZPLZPLZ HALP MEEEEEEEEE!1**

**BW: no not right now im fuckin lovino**

**TA: WHAT**

**BW: im fuckin lovino while watchin mlp**

**TA: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK YOU ASSHOLE**

**TA: I THOUGH WHAT WE HAD WAS SPEZCIAL**

**BW: zhuddap lovino is so much bettar to fuck then your**

**BW: pluz he is so consderate**

**BW: lettin uz wach mlp**

**BW: in his gaint tomanto**

**BW: see wat I did thar**

**BW: toMANto**

**BW: ha**

**BW: haha**

**TA: IGGY BUTT I DONT CARE THAT YOU ARE FUCKING LOVINO RIGHT NOW**

**TA: GET YOUR CHOICE ASS OVER HERE SO WE CAN FIND OUR CHILDREN**

**BW: fuck of**

**TA: DUDE I WASNT DONE TYPING YRT RUDE**

**bloodyWanker [BW] ceased pestering teamAmerica [TA]**

**TA: WOW THANX DUDE**

Alfred logged off of Facebook after his intellectual conversation with Iggy Butt. He would kick Lovino's ass later for stealing his woman.

The radical old man put the eyebrows into his soup and then eated it. "That was so worth everything omg," he said to himself as he sent Ivan to set a curse on Alfred.

Alfred was rolling along the rooftops, looking for his children, when suddenly a wild Ivan appears! What's his attack level you ask? Obviously over nine thousand duh if you don't know that meme put your clothes back on and get the fuck out you are dead to me.

Ivan threw a skateboard at Alfred and he fell into a dark alleyway. Ivan then sprinkled fairy dust onto Alfred and flew away into the sun.

The dicks had mustaches.

Francis showed up and had a threeway with Iggy Butt and Lovino while watching Shark Week.

Alfred walked down the alleyway toward the street when suddenly! He saw himself walking down the street. He called himself over and once he was near he noticed a vile of pinkish fluid in his pocket so he held it out to himself. "You seem to be quite the prankster."

The End.


	3. Chapter 3

"Wow wait what the actuAL FUCK IS GOING ON OMFG," Matthew screeched to himself as he walked back into the bar. He'd only left for a mere five minutes to get some fresh air and now he was returning to a whole bunch of sloppy make-outs and Ivan in a fairy outfit. Peter stood next to Ivan, laughing at the scene that was playing out before him, which was pretty much Francis and Iggy Butt having the sloppiest make-outs and Alfred trying to scale the shelves of alcohol and failing miserably. Everyone else in the bar had their faces drawn on by gold sharpies and were dead. Peter abruptly stifled his laughter when he heard Matthew.

"shit I knew there was something missing goddammit all to butts," Peter said as he glared angrily at Matthew. "quick ivan he knows too much kill him now."

"Da Da MoThEr FuCkEr," Ivan squealed as he flew across the room toward Matthew. He back-flipped out of the way and threw the can of maple syrup soda he had at Ivan and he squeaked as the sticky soda got all over his fairy outfit. "I jUsT gOt ThIs ClEaNeD yOu WhOrE!"

"come on ivan stop fucking around and kill him," Peter shouted, grabbing a nearby bottle of vodka and throwing it at Matthew. It shattered half way across the room because a Nokia boomerang phone had smashed into in. Matthew looked over as the Nokia boomerang phone flew back into the hand of Tino. Antonio stood next to him holding a basket of tomatoes. They were both wearing capes.

"Omfg what the hell?" Matthew said as both Tino and Antonio began attacking Ivan and Peter. Antonio threw his tomatoes at them, and Tino smashed his Nokia boomerang into Peter's head, cracking his skull open.

Alfred walked out the door. No one noticed.

Ivan screeched and flew through the roof and into the freedom of the outside. If he couldn't save Peter, he damn well will avenge him! He let out a sonic screech into the night in order to summon his lover Kiku. He immediately appeared in a flash of light. "Fuck you I was in the middle of reading some really great gay porn yAOIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DESU~~~~~~~~~~~!~!~!~!~!~!~!11~~!~!````11!," Kiku said as he flew back into the bar to pick up Francis, Iggy Butt, and the lifeless body of Peter. He dropped Iggy Butt on Alfred's apartment and threw Francis into a dumpster.

"Eyyyy sexy lady how's it hanging?" Antonio asked Matthew.

"fUCKING HELL WHQT JUST HAPPENED I AM LITERALLY SO CONFUSED AM I ON DRUGS," Matthew asked as he lay on the floor.

"HOHOHO LET ME TELL YOU OF OUR ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME," Tino exclaimed at Matthew. "PRETTY MUCH ANTONIO AND I HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO PROTECT THE DESCENDANT OF IGGY BUTT EYEBROW MCDESU THE GREAT, IGGY BUTT EYEBROW MCDESU XII. IF HE REPRODUCES AND SOMEONE EATS HIS CHILDREN THEN THEY WILL GAIN THE POWER TO MAKE THEIR OTP CANON. WE CAN'T LET THAT HAPPEN. WILL YOU JOIN US IN OUR QUEST?"

"Holy fucking shit you have got to be kidding."

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING, MOTHERFUCKER?"

"Eyyyyy guys yo quiero to beat the shit out of bad guys so are we vamos a ir a la casa de Alfred to find Iggy Butt?" Antonio asked.

"Where did Alfred go?" Matthew asked, suddenly realizing that his brother was no longer in the bar with them. Kami-sama knows what dangers are out there tonight.

"NO GUYS REALLY WE HAVE TO FIND IGGY BUTT? LIKE WHAT IF SOMEONE EATS HIS CHILDREN AND THEY MAKE ERIDANxNEPETA CANON? DO YOU EVEN REALIZE HOW HORRIBLE THAT WOULD BE OMG," Tino said to the others.

"Chica, nadie even reads Homestuck so shut the fuck up about it ugh fucking Homestucks."

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY, YOU LITTLE BITCH?"

~*~Scene cuts to radical old man who is actually Alfred (what how why I don't?) after he gives Alfred the stuff yeah~*~

"Hahaha wow what the fuck is this like a paradox or some shit lol I really want to eAT SOME EYEBROWS RIGHT NOW HAHA ERIDANxNEPETA WILL BE CANON," the radical old man said to himself as he disappeared into the city.

~*~Scene cuts again to in front of Alfred's apartment~*~

"Okay so what are we doing again?" Matthew asked.

"WE ARE GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING BREAK INTO ALFRED'S APARTMENT BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE IGGY BUTT IS AND STOP THEM FROM REPRODUCING," Tino replied, digging his Nokia boomerang into the wall of the apartment and climbing up.

"Excuse me but they are both male how would that even work?"

"MPREG."

Matthew thought about that for a moment as he watched Antonio leap into Alfred's apartment. "Okay cool I guess? I'll just wait out here."

"PUSSY," Tino shouted at him as he climbed into Alfred's apartment. Once he had entered, he had a good long look around him to see that he was surrounded by cakes. "WTF?" He then saw Alfred and Iggy Butt, and then Iggy Butt exploded. "WHAT THE FUCK?"

"Oye chicas let's vemos Nyan~ Neko Sugar Girls," Antonio said as he turned on N~NSG on the TV. "Yes perfect."

So then after they watched N~NSG and sobbed a bit, Antonio and Tino decided that they wanted to polish Alfred's kitchen for whatever fucking stupid reason they had. While doing so, they heard Alfred shout something about bastard love children and then a loud crash from the ceiling. They looked over to see bits of the ceiling falling to the ground and a missing Alfred.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID HE SAY ABOUT CHILDREN OMFG HE FUCKED IGGY BUTT GOD DAMN WE HAVE TO FIND THOSE CHILDREN BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE," Tino shouted. He took out some silver sharpies from his pocket and handed one to Antonio. "QUICK WE HAVE TO DRAW DICKS EVERYWHERE."

"¿Por qué?" Antonio asked.

"SCIENCE," Tino replied as he uncapped his silver sharpie and began to draw dicks eVERYWHERE.

"Make sure you remember to put mustaches on them, chica~!"

Matthew decided that if he wanted to get away from this mess, now would be the time. He quick-walked away from the apartment until he got back to his home. When he got there, he went into the kitchen to make himself a nice cup of maple tea, only to see a radical old man eating eyebrow soup with Ivan and Peter standing next to him. Ivan then flew through the ceiling carrying a skateboard.

"Now we can finally make EridanxNepeta canon omg I have been waiting my eNTIRE LIFE FOR THIS soory I'm just really excited," the radical old man said to Peter.

"yeah all those fucktards don't know what they're missing with their karezi and davejohn and communism the real party is erinep yeah boi 420," Peter said.

"…Wtf did you just say?" the radical old man said, death glaring at Peter.

"wut?"

"wHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY YOU LITTLE BITCH OR SHOULD I SAY COMMIE FUCK YOU AND YOUR HORNY ASS GET THE FUCK OUT YOU AND YOU COMMUNISM AREN'T WELCOME HERE," the radical old man screamed. He picked up Peter and threw him into the garbage disposal, flipped the switch to turn it on, and then watched as Peter's body was torn apart. "Team America, fuck yeah."

And then Matthew knew what he had to do. He ran up to the radical old man- his dear, sweet brother- and gave him a tender embrace known only to those of the Tribe of the Moose, and thus breaking the spell put upon him by Ivan and returning him to normal.

"Wow thanks bro let's go have an orgy with everyone."

And then they did.

The End.


End file.
